PostAmerika *

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PA intro

PostAmeriKa -- this is the place (which is time), where I live. I gave up on my search and discovery of America. It doesn't exist anymore. Perhaps it never existed. Very much like this famous American Dream -- dreaming is the best we can get from the real.
History is a process. Well, you got the idea...
INTRODUCTION OR POST SCRIPTUM (depending on the reader's way of approaching the book):

"Amongst the novel objects that attracted my attention during my stay in the United States, nothing struck me more forcibly than the general equality of condition among people."[1]

Yes, I would like to write about the "novel subjects." Precisely! About things which have appeared during my life. What is surprising that the "same" objects strike me today -- the postmodern conditions of Americans! You see, the equality is very un-natural, it violates the general principle of life..... it's something of death. Or of a factory. Alas, not equality but the equality of condition! General equality.....

I differed with Alexis de Tocqueville on conditions of my stay in America; I became an American. No, I was born american. The "general equality" was an attraction for me (as an immigrant) and my pain (as an American). The rewards of equality are tremendous, and the crisis of American society is borne by the equality is catastrophic.

Running away from the Soviet communism, I came to a discovery of the "communism with the human face" in every aspect of American life. What was "the general equality" hundred fifty years ago became "the general disease." After the end of the Cold War American democracy reached its inevitable crisis; "the blessing of freedom" turned into the curse of massocracy. The super-power structure turned into the hyper-state with its own out of control life. American were destined to become the global nation and their problems today are universal, un-proportionally big even for a big country. (In fact, there's no America the way we know. Well, there's no old world we know.)

There are some accents of a foreigner in my analysis of America, but I believe that an aristocrat and Frenchman, Tocqueville could notice so much because he was an alien in love. I don't want to lose novelty of America.

Her name was Esther. His -- Anatoly. She came to New York in 1978, he -- in 1980. She was born in Addis Ababa, he -- in Moscow. In 1984 they got maried, gave birth to two children and in 1988 became American citizens... If only my story could stop there, in Roanoke, VA...
HIDDEN AGENDA

Themes of "Communism in America" have a political aim as well, the critique of libertarian propaganda. As a party Libertarians are in existence for over 25 years. It took Lenin (with the traditions of political parties fighting for a power) that long to bring communists to a ruling position. Who are the Libertarians? Constitutionalists? Anarchists? Libertarian Party (LP) is very much an American party (opposite to the party of a new type, communists). They are anti-state folks and it's unlikely that any libertarian would write "State and Revolution." They are not "real" party (even less real than Republicans and Democrats). They are activists. Something of a community fire fighters mode. "The Daughters of American Revolution" are more of party. LP is full of anti-federal moods and the idea of national campaign for U.S. presidency is a unescapable contradiction for the libertarians. Their political stand is full of proposals on abolition of the government with nothing about of new forms of governing. (If this book does fire on libertarians, it's only a "friendly fire," although with possible casualties.)

I wasn't an eyewitness, but an object of experiment -- the pomo history. My mind is only an instrument of reacting to what I went through. I tried to understand myself and the world around me. In my intellectual pursuit I always remembered the reason, the source of questioning: myself, my situation, my life. There's nothing academic about my process: it's very personal. Very private. This book is borne out of my dairies, notes, thoughts -- I wanted to keep it this way.

Confusing? But I afraid to lose the begining, the first contact, first impressions....

Let it be personal. Frustrated with my voting record (I fought for an early citizenship and never had a chance to vote for MY candidate), I decided to analyze why in 1996 I won't be voting for my candidate again. Will I ever have a chance to vote in my president?

I had to give my attempt to structure the big book. I felt that I tried to "glue" parts which are not necessarily follow each other. I still hope that the whole "thing" has its inner logic yet unknown to me.

Resurrection is not a book but a diary about life from the inside of the speed. My American Book.

Maybe I started my love story wrong. Did I tell you that Anatoly defected from the Soviet Union and Esther was resqued from Ethiopia during the Red Terror? They should appreciate America and they claimed that they did. Or not? After all he was a writer and she was a great grand-daughter of the emperor before, before America, I mean. Is it possible that they never love their new homeland?

POST-AMERICANS

I better speak of myself. We are of the same generation. He could be my older brother. Or Bill Clinton's. He is 56 by now. I'm 48 and grandfather. There is another generation behind, named X -- because we know little about them. What do we know about ourselves?

This was a generation of apocalypse.
And we even didn't notice it. What do you expect when the apocalypse takes place at the blind of an eye?!

Unabomber wrote a wrong manifesto. He should write a book. A biography. All the publishers who refused his manifesto would fight for a privilege to pay him millions. Manifesto? The way to get published; for non-profit. We all need publicity.

There are no heroes anymore. What kind of hero could be in paradise?

American hero always was anti-hero. Lonely, by himself. Hero of Our Times is a loser even in his victories. Ted. He is a concerned citizen. Yes, he is worrying about the Future of Humanity. Somebody has to be idealist. Ted Kaczynski is young. He is reacting. He doesn't know that the war against him was won.

Terrorism was a good word a century ago. They were heroes, the Russian terrorists. They were killing the Tsars, generals, and, of course, they were dying too. Terror was a name for a radical dissent. [180-1: on strategy.] Russian revolution lived on intelligencia; the best of Russia. Oh, there were thousands like him. Not anymore. Not in American Age.

We don't like our terrorists, they kill children, women, innocent people. They kill to make a point. For some reason they would blowup a school bus but not a government official. They are a parody on noble terrorists of the past. They are confused and disoriented, they don't know the targets for a terror. They are victims of our times, like the rest of us. Nothing to look up to. Ted is no hero, a nut. Is he an American? A new American? A post-modern man.

We don't understand intellectuals. They are screw-ups. They don't know what they are talking about! Nietzsche shouldn't cry so much: everything "natural" is un-natural in the man-made world. What was his problem! He is a problem.

On natural selection in modern society (communism): the strongest has to surrender, to yelled.2
They all want to defend me from the strong. I'm strong. They want to defend me from myself.

We have it! The ideas!
We got what we need -- the "weak" ideas. Something like "human rights." To defend children against pornography, or to start a jihad against smoking. Yes, not to forget the fitness. Weak idea is a winning idea, when nobody is against it. Like fighting against cancer or crime. Weak idea is not really an idea, more of a wish. You see, we all are for peace and against war. Is it a concept?

The new ideas have one common quality -- they are understandable. You don't have to bright or learn anything to comprehend our ideas. Actually, it's better if you are stupid; you won't waste time trying to understand -- there's nothing there to understand. Good ideas are simple. You know that they are good right away. Advertizing knows this principle of happy ideas. Good ideas make you feel good.

They are the Ideological Ideas: Mass Thoughts. Ideas which went through a process of socialization. Human ideas. We don't propose anything which people won't like. In fact, we ask people what they want and then tell them what we think....

[87] Anti-science or anti-scientific (style of life?); science as a victim of scientification?

Of course I am afraid to write, afraid that finally it will become obvious that I can't write. I even saw myself in my own dream, explaining it to somebody. That bad.

New mythology: The horrors of the "Star Track" are accepted. Horror is a genre. The creeps, the aliens. Hey, something to take the mind off the real horror -- life.

Please, don't panic. Stop. Get back to the story and everything will fall in place....
"Cynicism" of Baudrillard? Why? Because he decided to study Nothing. He said "Nothing matters"! Nothing exists! Nothing is our Everything. He was misunderstood -- he is not a nihilist. He believes in Nothing. Somebody had to get to the bottom of Being, which, as we know, is Nothing.
No, it was then and there. They went to Alaska of all places. Then to Russia, Africa -- and back to Alaska... Here something is wrong. Why did they go to Russia for two years? And Ethiopia? Oh, don't tell me that they want their American children to know about the origins of father and mother! Please! What was wrong with kids being American only? No, there was some lie. About being New Americans? Did they run away from their new home?
A TALE OF TWO (OR THREE) TRAILS

Don't you love the Judgement Day? Oh, yes!
O.J. trail and Unabomber: what a difference in public interest! Kaczynski is forgotten -- what is there to understand? Oklahoma? They are mad. Simpson -- the real. Something to understand, to relate, to know.

We like to watch moral wrestling on tv. To see them fighting over nothing, the passions, cursing, insults. We know that their conflict is not for real; boy-friend and girl-friend are friends, after all they would go back to their life as before. In athletics, you know, they are friends. Even boxers.

We need a lot of entertainment, madeup events. Without real history life is boring. Stagnation is the law in paradise. Since our life is so good, we have to keep it from changing. We only can make more better. In Socialist Realism theory they called it non-conflicting reality. You see, since communism is the best, it can't have any inner conflicts, it's non-dramatic. Whatever is not so good -- foreign influence. From the past or abroad. The diseases are from the past, terrorist from outside.

Our history is a ghost of history - more of the same. We like news because they are confirmation that nothing is happening. Especially, we love sport news which are non-events a priori.

Russia expected a bloodshed after 1991 -- nothing happened. Changes do not bring (real) changes into constantly changing world; we are in kingdom of changes. The change lost its value, devaluated by many. Which is an illusion of changes. Speed in virtual reality know no limit, it's not real -- but it feels "real."

Thinking is always free. Feeling isn't.
What is a role of thought at Resurrection Age? They are the terrorists -- the theorists. Ideas are violent. Ideas are understood feelings. Thinking was and is a weapon. That's why we need an information Age, with speed of information, massive, constant -- not to let a thought to be borne.

Extreme conservatives are always converted leftists (Dostoevsky himself)....

From resurrectional pov there's no much difference between "human" and other material of resurrection. Animal rights are no less important. Wet-lands, preservation of atmosphere and so on.

Cold war - an undeclared war, guerilla war. "Peace is war" -- "no war no peace" (Trotsky).

Stalin, terrorist is always a terrorist. What a simplicity of position -- very existential. A bottom line -- kill, die. Why should they read Virilio, they buy cars. They go to the movies.

There's nothing peaceful about our co-existence. Contract, a deal. Our "togetherness" is enforced -- love: an ideological concept. Good idea. Crazy enough for an animal, very rational for a society.

Do we hide this hatred for others, other and ourselves? Why bad feelings are bad for me? I don't have to act upon them, but why do I have to suppress them? Why not to know how I do feel? Why should I lie to myself? I'm done -- I can share my true emotions with myself.

We lie.

IMPORTANT:
What are new subjects? Social innovations: being fat, how to vacation? TV is the producer of new feelings and subjects. What is behind it? You know. Now, what are your subjects? Separate yourself from everything -- treat yourself as a new subject. My interests and mine only.

We don't know anymore how to think about our-SELF...

I am silent, because I do not know how to begin my story. Maybe I can just give your a picture. The warm September evening on the balcony in Brooklyn. They both were smokers and it was somebody's party. The golden light of the street lights of the Ocean Parkway stood in her dark eyes, as if it was captured by the deep quiet waters of the forest lake... No, it wasn't just eyes, but the skin, the shadows... No, It was the mouth, the lips, this hidden rose inside of her, behind her teeth, so white in the darkness... No, it was the voice.... No....
MISSING NOTES

The triangle. How the three books are interconnected? From my American experience into the past. If I would stay a Russian, my African or American (visiting?) experience would be unimaginable, different. I saw them, the Russians in America and in Africa. I saw Americans in Russia and Africans too. I saw Africans in America and Russia. I'm not of the above.

I feel as if I have to apologize. Perhaps, I should. first, for not discussing some traditional issues. Morality, for one. Instead of justification I rather state that it's a matter of my "intellectual orientation," or "emotional preference." "What is right or wrong" doesn't inspire me, neither "What is truth?" Whatever.

Secondly, the "anti-American" tone. My polemical extremes are due to the lack of this air of critical reflections in America. (Not my fault, yours.) There's very little of critical thought even outside of the ocean popular culture. Many reasons for that, and again, I am not interested in investigating them. Writing "American" book I was concerned with my own personal "American" experience/knowledge. What else could it be? I tried to stay attuned to my own feelings and impressions, to understand them and to express the best way I could.

I have to confess that my real dissatisfaction is in limited ability to be in one spot, to finish the thought. I suffer from those postmodern conditions when you touch and go and leaving your subjects half-lived. I wish I could spent more time with myself. I miss myself.

My view of present American democracy as a higher state of communism and fascism has no political ramifications. Why should I, who knew nothing but totalitarian conditions, complain about? What would I expect from the resurrection regime when the laws come to their totality? I already lived through utopia and dystopia in my previous life and I rather focus on the consequences of resurrection.

Finally, the resurrection itself.

I only wish I could remain a postmodernist. You can talk about deconstruction, because there's always some constructions around, about the end of history, or the real -- the stuff to refer to is available. Resurrection? The word itself sounds like a rerun of "The Ten Commandments"! Too religious for me. It was nicely positioned into mythology, it was in a proper place.

Idea of resurrection is old and simple, Bible speaks little about it. The creation is described in greater details. What is resurrection if not a return of something which already existed before? It was purified by death and brought back in pure forms, improved and clean. The postmodern and plastic surgeons re-created, making it better than before. Easy.

The Creation is something for Nietzsche. It has no dialectics in it. To create a lion or a cow is a task for a genius. There's nothing to base the notion of cow on! Total fantasy. To complicate the problem of creationism is the lack of conditions. Darwin with his evolution saw all the creature as a response to the environment, something I can understand. But to create from noting? Very artistic. Finally, the Pope realized that we better accept the evolution as a part of creationalism. God started the whole thing, of course.

Resurrection is something we can handle. We know it because we can do the apocalypse. There's a small problem -- the dead. Something which is gone. How would you resurrect Shakespeare? We don't even have a good photograph of the man! Well, we can try at least. Keep in mind, not Shakespeare but Shakespeare's soul! In fact, we already do. Like crazy, we stage his plays, read his sonnets -- the man would be really surprise how persistent we are. You see, if we continue this way for another ten thousand years, and that' is exactly what resurrection is about, you can get very close to bringing William back. What else do we have to do, anyway?

I know that this sounds crazy, I myself was thrown into a mental coma for twenty years -- I couldn't believe it. I still don't. But my personal feelings are irrelevant. Since we all are engaged into this business of resurrection I had to accept it. After a while it begin to make a lot of sense. Here were Marx and Nietzsche meet. Labor and will. The mass and the one.

But seriously, how does it work, this Thing?

Wait, I had to produce some genealogy and archeology of the genesis of this idea in my mind.

If you think that you don't understand the world you live in, imagine being born in Communist Russia. It was too absurd and the totality of nonsense did the trick. I tried to understand, I still don't know why do I need to understand, and I got it. I doubt that if I would be born in America I would get it. Later, perhaps, when we arrive to the level of absurdity equal of the Communism. My logic was simple. The communism was real. The book was writing at night was called "Real Socialism" (I took it from the party documents). The Soviet Union exited and there must be an explanation for it. The denial didn't work for me, a second generation of communists. I couldn't consider it an abomination or a historical joke. So, I took it seriously. My dissident-friend thought I lost my mind. Who's in right mind would read Pravda to find the truth?

They were wrong. Pravda didn't lie. "Communism Is Our Goal!" It wasn't just a propaganda. You have to examine the statement. I had no help from the communist or anti-communists (in Russia they are the same people). Nobody understand communism because nobody believed in it. Something like with Christianity. What is "communism"? Really? Berdyaev had many insights about the roots of Russian revolution -- The Orthodox Christianity. I spent a lot of nights writing about the church structure of the Communist Party....

I even had a limited hope that something out of my night labors could be published. I selected most innocent honest explorations of postmodern communism and gave it to my fried-editor at the New World magazine (after all, didn't they published first short story by Solzhenitsin?). He read it and returned back without passing to his boss. "Ten years for you and five me," he said. But what really did hurt me was his disinterest -- communism? There's nothing in it.

The pain is good, it makes you understand. I understood that we all are communists. More, this conflict between the right and left, pro and anti, their endless struggle is the mechanism of self-developing of the Idea (Hegel). That's when I gave up on Russia. They were argue about the ways of evolution, they had a mutual subject and common ground. How else could it be? Oh, if only I had enough imagination, I could save myself many years wasted....

I would understand the nature of the Cold War and the structure of American humanized communism. But one has to believe in his feelings and thoughts. It's strange, you know. How can I dough my feelings? And I do. Very strange and stupid thing to do. I can understand when we question a thought, but a feeling? Did I see it? Did I have to stare at TV in New York to "read" it? Didn't I do it already in Moscow reading Pravda? I would sit in front of a tv set in disbelief. I didn't understand the language but what where was to understand? The pictures screamed -- Communism! Happiness! Am I the only one who watched the commercials?

They live in the studio on the corner of Second Avenue and 13th Street and the bed was in some high platform and through the window one could the crack in the stone city and the end of the island of Manhetten -- the space, the night sky and maybe even a little bit of the East River. Anatoly got this place for $200 a months from the Polish friends of his Polish friends in Brooklyn. He can hear the draffic on both sides, the Second Avenue and the 13 Street -- and he thought that finally he arrived to America. For the first time in four years he felt himself home....
One aspect:
Technology requires shifting supremacy. On the plane or in the car I'm at mercy of pilot/driver. Doctor or technician -- I depend on them. Resurrections of single man belong to the past full of miracles. Technology is many, all. My PC represents the history of human knowledge starting from the Stone Age and before. Transforming a stone into a tool is an idea and has no copyright. This ability of ideas to be in public domain creates the basis for intellectual property institution. The specialization was to follow to the point when the human race got fully integrated. Culture, language, science, everything we know and call "human" are the technology. We brought the second order of unity to nature. Could I see it as resurrection of the initial harmony? I might as well.

What do we have? Paid services, labor: value based on difference, the greater difference -- bigger value. Our "professional" separation has to increase to the point of total specialization. did you notice? Identity: first -- occupation, social. Career, profession, education....

The pressure on the weak soul leads them into communist structures. The Ghost of communism, remember? Soon, very soon, looking back we wouldn't understand the difference between fascism, communism and democracy. We would see the agony of the century very much like we view the religious wars in Europe a few centuries ago. That's how the history works. The fight between Left and Right is the fastest trip to highly sophisticated fascism, and I attach no negative connotations. We rightly object to the forms primitive fascism (statism), because we value the idea. Germany's experimentation with socialism were as radical as Russia's, but it is now our historical experience. Name calling and labelling is our tradition as well. Ideological mind rules.

I would like to write a simple book. Every time I imagine reading this book two hundred years late, I'm amazed how simple the issues in question are! Why do I state the obvious? I try to prove something which doesn't need any prove. I argue insignificant points.... I write too much.

.... Of course I do not write about most important for me. Myself. My American story. I hide behind thoughts and quotes. Too bad. My own American experience could say more than pages of references....
Why do we call it pomo and not American period of the communist Era (never-mind Resurrection Age). Too much, too extreme? But what about the radicalism of our reality? We live through such drastic transformations which could be described as the new begining. "Revolution"is a common word, but do we know the meaning of this word? What do you think another century will do to our reality? Do I expect the slow down in the state of a free fall? The cosmic speed universe we entered has another level of existence. It's a completely different picture. The forces engaged are superior to everything we know from history. And the revolutionary enthusiasm of the modern is gone already. The humanism got scared; it's not easy to be gods.

The consequences of the American Age:

I am in a non-human situation with non-human problematics. A generation before they had cultures, countries, nationalities, families.... Revolutionary Age has to arrive to pm conditions. God's phenomenology in me reflects (and projects) the different world outside. Relativism allows me to be fully independent. Technology will let me go further into my own world. God has no companions, friends or lovers. Contacts?

[ See file OTHER ]

Only God is capable of love. Only love turns eternity into paradise. Only God can afford to love.

Wait and see; the most of the six billions hasn't enter the pm race yet. It will take another century for the 5 billions to build their pm conditions. Do we realize that 1985 was the year of the last famine in our history?

Look what did China accomplish in twenty years! The world I remember as a child -- another century! The past is removed with the swing of the 1917 revolution. I thought that the Red flag is there to stay. Wrong. But I saw the same in America. Speed replaced history.

I would walk home, from NYU to this studio at the corner. At night. I would walk different paths; sometimes straight up and then left to the East Side, sometimes -- East and then -- up.... Sometimes along the 5th Street, sometimes -- 12th Street... I feel home, as if I was in Moscow. She was pregnant and the dark shy above were warm tenter. At last people on the street became three-dimenssional and alive with shadows and voices of the living.

[ To myself:
Project 2000 -- what do I want out of the publication of the books? Are there practical, immediate or personal implications? ]

... No, I can't write about it. About how I felt in love with America. Too bad that I didn't understand that I was in love...

The changes ahead. Only a few will survive as individuals. Capable of independent thought, original in sensitivity. Nothing is outside to support them; everything is against them. The war on Individual will be total and pure. You still think that Kafka is a fiction and Nazi gas chambers were in Germany. You think that the Internet is for you, not against you. You never understood the meaning of the Last Judgement.
Yes, you have to sacrifice many "human" attributes in order to preserve your individuality. You have to pay for your aspirin.
Christ, the bachelor. Life style. No parents, no blood lines, no families. Your child will find you. He belong to the village.

Self-defence: the money. Yes, the X-generation, take care of yourselves.

Yes, Resurrection is always a matter of life and death, because Apocalypse is always a part of living in paradise.

.... Anatoly, why don't you tell it in stories? Like Christ, not Aristotle. About you, her and money, for example. Or you, her, children and TV. Or...

OH SAY! WOULD YOU SAY!

John Donne[3] To His Mistress Going to Bed

                                      
      "License my roving hands, and let them go,
      Behind, before, above, between, below.
      O my America! my new-found-land,...
      To teach thee I am naked first; why than
      What needst thou have more covering then a man?"
      
      O my America! A naked woman!
      
  Come, Madam, come, all rest my powers defy,
  Until I labor, I in labor lie.
  The foe oft-times having the foe in sight,
  Is tir'd with standing though he never fight.
  Off with that girdle, like heaven's Zone glittering,
  But a far fairer world encompassing.
  Unpin that spangled breastplate which you wear,
  That th'eyes of busy fools may be stopt there.
  Unlace your self, for that harmonious chime,
  Tells me from you, that now it is bed time.
  Off with that happy busk, which I envie,
  That still can be, and still can stand so nigh.
  Your gown going off, such beautious state reveals,
  As when from flow'ry meads th'hills shadow steals.
  Off with that wiry Coronet and show
  The hairy diadem which on you doth grow:
  Now off with those shoes, and then softly tread
  In this, love's hallow'd temple, this soft bed.
  In such white robes, heaven's Angels us'd to be
  Receiv'd by men: thou Angel bringst with thee?
  A heaven like Mahomet's Paradice, and though
  Ill spirits walk in white, we eas'ly know,
  By this these Angels from an evil sprite,
  Those set our hairs, but these our flesh upright.
       License my roving hands, and let them go,
  Behind, before, above, between, below.
  O my America! my new-found-land,
  My kingdom, safeliest when with one man man'd,
  My mine of precious stones: my emperie,
  How blest am I in this discovering thee!
  To enter in these bonds, is to be free;
  Then where my hand is set, my seal shall be.
       Full nakedness! All joys are due to thee,
  As souls unbodied, bodies uncloth'd must be,
  To taste whole joyes. Gems which you women use
  Are like Atlanta's balls, cast in mens views,
  That when a fool's eye lighteth on a gem,
  His earthly soul may covet theirs, not them:
  Like pictures or like books gay coverings made
  For lay-men, are all women thus array'd.
  Themselves are mystick books, which only wee
  (Whom their imputed grace will dignify)
  Must see rever'd. Then since that I may know;
  As liberally, as to a midwife show
  Thyself: cast all, yea, this white linen hence,
  There is no penance due to innocence.
       To teach thee I am naked first; why than,
  What needst thou have more covering then a man?

                                 John Donne, 1699

(continued -- where is the part 1?)

.... No, Anatoly, this is not an introduction to a book. Not introduction to anything....
You still guessing what is next? You, your body! Genetic miracles, the great battle against nature -- sicknesses, diseases, aging. Technology penetrates the world in both directions -- cosmos and the nature, life itself. Do you want to see the future? You have the blue prints of the future, comrades. Your desires speak for you -- you want comfort, security and eternity, and you ready to pay for it. There are armies of scientists working around the clock to win the war over time, space and matter. Our little wars against each other over West Bank or Gaza just a shadow of the past. The real wars are in the labs, corporations, financial institutions. The 36 billion takeover of MCI is bigger than 30 billions wasted over Iraq. Of course, it's oil, we need it -- to drive to the real battlefields, where the victory is awaiting for us. Of course, it's over money, the means to move the brains, to develop new technologies -- go get it!

The nations, all of them, are about to vanish and you want me to talk about racism? What are your morals and values learned in the ancient schooling next to my desires to live forever? Go ahead, struggle with the issues of capital punishment and abortion, the revolution in bio-engineering will ask for different questions. Oh, you still want to be humans and use the internet! You want to be humane and mess up with the DNA. You work on the matters of life and death and still play "human beings"? In your spear time, my friend. Human is just a hobby, it's you private business. Humanism is a liability. Human is error of the machine. Stop lying, you trust you life to non-human environment, you try to exclude everything from our path. Human is unsafe, dangerous, it should be protected in the world of non-human super-speeds. Humans should know their place in the man-made world. "Man has to know his limitations."

My situation is simple. In order to create God I have to be God. At least. To create the divine system (change the world, according to Marx) I must accept the responsibility of deity. Yes, me and not just us. I can't be only a human, not anymore. And does it mean? Moral construction of the past? The birth control is a human behavior, but the gas chambers are the crime against humanity. The sphinx of humanity doesn't know answers to his own questions.

.... Oh, stupid, stupid man. Do you seriously thinking that you can write about America and PostAmerica without writing about yourself?
The American Book: the plot (New Odyssey, new nomad, who never returns to home which he never had), driving a taxi in NYC (Yellow cab). What did I want? To find my place? Maps.

Three books:
1980-85 -- NY, NE
1985-90 --- USA
1990-95 -- the World (RAT and HIM)

Car is a horse or a home. A ship. A suite to move in different space. But you have to get on special tracks (highways), where the new speed is possible.

The Second Death? In America.

Well, it's only looks as if I was traveling in space. I travel in time. But my real travel was inside myself.

Homer, Dante, Swift. My fellow travelers.

Drivers, truckers and, especially, cabbies, they like to talk -- they're lonely. The Americans, Nomads, they exist only while moving, light idea.

"Voice of America" and "New American" (How my life stories are connected with the topics?)

Is there a high ACTION plot in it?

I'm my own antagonist. How mortal is my fight with myself! Love, murder, betrayal -- I have it all. I have done it to myself. Investigation and the crime. How did I die?

Defection -- violence against everything I was. Brutal and cruel. My first death. How to make it visible, not allegorical. As if I went blind. It's the effect of thinking. I suspect that my ideas are not radical enough to give a birth to images.

Italy (1980) itself is a book. Should some of the articles be sent there? ...

1985 -- the family. The After -- leave it for the other books.

I and Them -- the two worlds; ME is always in the middle.

(Already developed in the Russian Book)

How to define the characters? ANTOHIN, ANATOLY, I, ME.

Antohin was killed in Italy. He was a Soviet citizen. How could I still think that it's a metaphor? Why don't I want recognize the difference the real and symbols? Afraid to departure from what I know? Silent spider, I repear my web and wait, dispicable creature. Go for it, a new life! Leave it behind, your skin, the caccon of experiences; you had your dinner and cake many time. Many cakes, stop eating the same cake!

How to organize the plot that I can write in more chapters later? Bible, many visions of the same events.

Are they (me, many) from the future, they fight for their existence in the present? How did the American overpower the Soviet? (In the Russian Book. The war was obvious in 1975).

Anatoly 2000, the writer, he works hard to replace me, a professor. We, Anatoly, the selves are for it. Let him kill me, the leader of today. The sooner the better. How do I resist the change? How do they fight? Did the American die in 1995? Or was it a man?

Fifteen American years (at least); long life for a dog.

Main: "Live free or die." The state of the dead people. That's New England for you. License plates. The grave yard.

They were a few, privileged, gentlemen and masters, the best, who wrote the initial American constitutional documents. Very much like the Athens democrats, the slave owners. Of course, they were liberals. The country tries to live up to the design of the people of quality. We don't remember the difference between them and us. They didn't need big government, we do.

.... 2003. blog?
HIM -- the world before modernity. The barefoot nation. What has happened? The West as an explosion -- instant transfiguration (next to the rest of "history"). As if the world began to move like a space ship.
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