The Possessed 2003
WRITE : nonfiction
SummaryI will use the chronological (like "1984"} and geographical ("NYC") pages to tell the story of my writings.
Questionshow to organize "chronological" and "georgraphical" frame of references -- together?
2004 & After
Next: 1989 AlaskaAs you can see I do not know how to write this book. I have to write about good and bad, if only I knew how to write books. But my mind doesn't want to remember the bad. I want to remember the joy and happiness of the birth of my daughter. This 1984 part is about "Sasha" and NYC, yes, the City of New York.
I want to remember the warm summer nights, about being in love -- and not that the Bickman Hospital had to cut my wife in half, because she couldn't give birth. Oh, I am an American all right. I am for medical miracles -- and I don't believe that we have pay for miracles. How? With our souls, don't you remember Dr. Faust? How else. They both lived, because of the 1984 American technologies. The natural order, which existed a century ago was broken; we have different arrangements with Devil. Should I even mention that she had no milk. Come on! Who could read into this, Anatoly?
Who wants to remember about my Russian and her Ethiopian bills? About the countries left behind -- come on, we are Americans! It was before us, children are not resposibles for crimes of their parents, right? I live here and now -- this is the American Way!
Except it's different now, my fellow New American. Very different. The whole world became the planet of immigrants and nobody knows where America begins and where it ends. You can't arrive to America, because you can't live your so-called country of origins. Because there is no America, my friend. Everything is America.
I didn't want to remember my own thoughts. Remember, American Dream! I wanted to dream, why would I like to remember the truth? We like to believe that everybody deserves a break, and even a second break. Life without a break is not American life!
What could I tell my children? That they could have a break from laws of gravity of electricity? Yes, I can lie, I can dream on. I didn't for many years. But what is the point of writing my story, if not to tell the truth? And the truth, kids, there are breaks from laws of life. The truth is that we have to pay for original and not so original sins of the past and the future, even if the sins are not ours. What is not ours, Anatoly? Wake up.
I didn't want my children to read what I write; let somebody else to break the bad news for them -- why me! I would love to write the sweet stories from New York...
No, no, friends, "1984" is not about us!
It's a private story of one family with the happy begining and not happy end. No, it's not a tragedy, as in SELF. Nobody dies at the end, only the family.
I will keep the chronological order, the themes (serious texts) have to find their own way into this story.
I want it to be a good story.
Let my theory texts be angry. That is where the contrast is.
Orwell made the number famous -- "1984"!
The biggest event was your birth, Sasha.
She, my daughter ended my war with America. I emraced it all, yes, including the bad and the stupid. And it turned real bad after we came from Israel.
But first, about being single. This is normal position and only the children make it a family for me, and only a woman you want to have children with, make her a wife. I defend my independent and freedom, because that is what you offer to family.
A lot said about love. I am easy to fall in love. I need to be in love, but love for a wife is more than love for a woman. Something from love to my mother or my sister in it, as she is your real relative, who you're lucky to find. Both husband and wife missed so many years not being together and they many years ahead of them to compensate that missed family life.
[ the events before we left for Virginia ]